the rock

“I would have written of me on my stone: 

I had a lover's quarrel with the world.

 -- Robert Frost

Tonight in the space between 4:30 and 7:00, we have 5 separate things on the calendar. This is typical lately. Tomorrow night, there are 3 competing events, Wednesday 3, Thursday 3, Friday night is mercifully empty. By the end of the day, I am absolutely sure more will be added. I look ahead at weeks like this and my face starts to go numb. Every day when kids come home from school with the notes that dictate the schedule of our nights and days, I struggle not to cry. The house and yard are falling apart around me as we are only home long enough to do the damage.

 

The faster and more frenetic the pace around me, the slower I seem to be able to respond to all the stuff. I become less and less motivated, less flexible, productivity takes a serious dive. And when I actually do get a free moment, I am so overwhelmed and burned out I don't take advantage of it. 

I 

am 

slowly 

turning 

to stone.

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, like I'm not wired right for the pace of this nation, this time. The other people seem to do just fine. So what is going to change here? I know, as always, it will have to be me.