my tirade

On Tuesday night, David and I wearily headed for bed: the time was 9:45. I went upstairs to check on the kids, who are usually slumbering peacefully by that time. A bright light shone from Annika's door at the end of the hallway. There she was, our sweet 4th grader, who is just getting over a tough virus, hunched over in bed, still on top of the covers, doing long division. She'd been there since 8:00. 

When we got home from school earlier that day, Annika ran outside to play with the baby sheep and with her little brother, Oliver. She played some beautiful music on the piano and reminded me to replace the A-string on her cello. She helped to set the table and we ate dinner. After the meal: homework. Yes, she could have begun the work earlier, and she often does.

On my hard-working daughter's behalf, I am going to type this controversial thing: I hate the homework. 

These precious children are struggling to defend their rich inner lives against the onslaught of increasingly intense extracurricular activities--homework is just one. Arrrrgggh. Why must we over-do every single thing when it comes to children?

For most of us parents, myself included, the knee-jerk reaction to homework of any kind is to support the idea of it and the doing of it at all costs. When Calvin was in the 4th grade, the year the big onslaught begins in this school district, we were regularly up past 11:00 struggling to encourage our son, who seriously and rightly did not enjoy the work at all, to get it done without falling apart. There were many nights I had to leave the room, exhausted, to cry. Finally, I begged David to take over the homework support duty. He gamely took up the job and all the emotional turmoil that came with it, including the frequent desire to shed actual tears. 

Freakishly, I loved homework as a kid, and so did my husband. Perhaps this odd enthusiasm for homework is what drew us together. But thinking back on those days, I am pretty sure I didn't start getting work sent home until middle school, 7th grade. 

Here's what I want: homework that enhances life and inspires learning, not busywork that could and should be done at school. We love the in-depth book reports, the research papers and the big, exciting projects--things that can't realistically be fully completed at school. 

I know this is a controversial subject for most of us. We think about the careers our kids will have as adults and we want them to learn to work hard to meet their goals. This worry about the future is where we--loving parents and caring teachers, all trying to do our best--lose touch with what kids really need in these early developmental years: to be excited about life and learning, to discover who they are, to find their strengths, to explore, and to be supported in all of that by the adults who care for them. 

Last week I heard a Wisconsin Public Radio interview with Alfie Kohn, about his 2006 book, The Homework Myth. The interview struck a chord with me, bringing concrete thought and words to feelings I've been having but unable to organize into actual opinion. It is unacceptable for me to allow well-intentioned institutions to orchestrate our brief, invaluable family time, when my intuition screams otherwise. Children need our championship in protecting their time, they need places of stillness that let them hear their heartsongs and dance to the beautiful music. As a mother, part of my job is to be truly in tune with what my kids need in each moment, and to help them get wherever they want to go.